he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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