I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
