why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
