dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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