If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
