i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
