perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is her dick bigger than yours?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
