my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
