i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
