wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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