I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
