ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
