Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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