my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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