i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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