No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
