does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
