One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
