Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
