I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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