You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
