Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
