cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
