And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
