Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Can I color on your dick again?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
