he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
