saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
