just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
