I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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