He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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