I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
