You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
