I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
