You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I need a beard to bite.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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