exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
