What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
