what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
