New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
