I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
