I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
