You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
