Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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