im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
