my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
