So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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