She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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