matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
