needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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