UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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