YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
