I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
