Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
