I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
