walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
