He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
