We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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