It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
