I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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