He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
