"it" just moved
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
