please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
