I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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