I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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