people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
