i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
