i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
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