I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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