We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
