If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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