im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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