she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
