She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
